I don’t really understand why Jingle All the Way attracts so much hate. The way people talk about this movie, you’d think they don’t realize it’s a comedy. Critics will point out absurdities or ridiculous situations as if it’s a screenplay for a damn drama. Like, yeah, it’s silly and stupid. So is Airplane! It’s a comedy. They do that. It’s so baffling. It feels like cultural inertia (and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s meme value) has prevented people from evaluating Jingle All the Way as what it is. As the man himself has said a dozen times: “chill out.”

Now, if you want to criticize the movie on a thematic level, that I can get behind. It’s generally understood that family movies should impart a positive message in a light, if insincere effort to make their audience better people. Usually this is framed as a redemption arc for the lead character, and that’s what this movie attempts. Except Howard Langston (Arnold) is seemingly the most victimized cast member. It’s implied that he chooses work over his family, but this premise is usually paired with a lucrative occupation to emphasize the fact that the lead doesn’t need more than what they already have; that they’re being greedy.

Howard is a goddamn mattress salesman. I know this came out in the mid ’90s, but my gut tells me that’s a job not exactly equivalent to being a business magnate. It’s entirely plausible that Howard would need to scrape for extra cash to maintain his family’s lifestyle. Being a salesman is a ruthless career. To make matters worse, an inciting incident is Howard being pulled over by a cop and missing his kid’s karate graduation ceremony. In other words, he was trying to prioritize his family and was prevented from doing so for reasons not entirely in his control. Yeah, he shouldn’t have gotten pulled over, but 99% of the United States is perpetually exceeding the speed limit without receiving a ticket for it.

Our other two family include a horrible demon kid (played by Jake Lloyd) who’s emotionally manipulating his dad into feeling guilty for failing to procure one of the most popular toys of the holiday season. Howard’s wife (Rita Wilson) isn’t too bad from what I can recall, but she’s arguably emotionally cheating on Howard in her interactions with the transparent Ted Maltin (Phil Hartman). Howard gets such a raw fuckin’ deal in this movie.

Yeah, yeah, I’ll address the ending. Aforementioned demon kid Jamie Langston completes his character “arc” by relinquishing the coveted Turbo Man doll to Myron, Sinbad’s character, so he can give it to his son. The message is supposed to be that Jamie realizes spending time with his father is worth more than any toy, which is nice, but… that’s not really good enough for me? I feel like Howard is still owed an apology, and the Turbo Man doll being presented as a valuable reward undermines the moral lesson on display. If family is more valuable than material possessions, shouldn’t Myron’s kid also be happy to be with his father over receiving the toy? There should’ve been another hand-me-down scene, like Myron’s kid giving the toy to a streetside charity drive. Or a homeless man. I dunno.

And why does everyone keep calling it a Turbo Man doll? It’s not incorrect, but anyone would colloquially refer to it as an action figure. Oh, whatever. Jingle All the Way is a fine Christmas family film. I’ve seen worse, and some of them are held in higher regard than this.