I remember seeing part of Mars Attacks! on TV as a kid; I think my dad was watching it. If I remember right, it was a scene where the Martians first land and zap a bird with a laser gun to demonstrate they’re not actually peaceful. Using thy language of thee cinema, this is obviously a comedic bait-and-twist at the expense of the naive human cast—the Martian designs scream “evil”—but I couldn’t process that as a kid, so it scared the shit out of me. Seeing the CG Martians in a live-action setting also probably convinced me they were real, or at least could be real, so I spent a significant part of my childhood afraid of those damn things.

I swear there’s no grudge behind my opinion that Mars Attacks! kind of sucks. It’s a bad movie. Hell, I even like Tim Burton (generally), so if anything, I’m inclined to be charitable to it. Unfortunately, it’s exhausting to get into the woods on why a comedy film is a failure. Any flaw in one’s screenplay can be countered with “that’s part of the joke.” So, I’ll fall on the old adage: Mars Attacks! just isn’t funny. Its sense of humor is lazy, often forgoing setup and hoping the payoff is enough. Mars Attacks! may not be filled with fart jokes, but it’s spiritually the same thing. A wacky thing happens, and you’re expected to laugh just because it’s wacky.

The Martians are the best thing about the movie, yet the screenplay is far too invested in showing off its ensemble cast of boring, stupid human characters because several of them were paid a bazillion dollars just to show up on screen and (spiritually) fart. Mars Attacks! wasn’t a critical and commercial flop because it’s misunderstood and deserving of reevaluation. It’s just lousy, unfunny slapstick from a director and other talent capable of much better. Fire this movie into space, and any aliens who come across it may actually decide to eradicate mankind. Maybe it’d be for the best.