Oh, boy. I have a new album to direct people to when showing them the worst the cliches of progressive metal. Epicloud features vocoder vocals, “epic” operatic backing vocals, constant switching between clean vocals and screams, loud as fuck, formulaic guitar playing pursuing volume and pleasant textures, occasional “soft” acoustic segments that are, for some reason, still just as loud as the electric guitars.

There’s even a surprise guest female vocalist, so all bases are covered: Anneke van Giersbergen of The Gathering makes another appearance after her great performance on Addicted. But she barely ever takes lead vocals, so there’s not even that to allow someone interest in Epicloud. Unlike Epicloud, Addicted has hooks in addition to texture and doesn’t crank the amps so high that everything blends together in a smooth, bland mixture. Isn’t it funny how when something tries its hardest to be “epic” and “intense” that it often comes out really dull and exhausting? Dynamics are a virtue, as is modesty.

Yes, I know Devin Townsend can get away with the excuse that all the bombast is intentional and not meant to be taken seriously, and I guess in that sense he succeeded: I can’t take this seriously, either. Just because something is intentionally a joke doesn’t change it from being a joke.

Robert Christgau-style review:

Owl City meets Dream Theater. Only the graceful vocals of Anneke van Giersbergen provide some natural context to the overly saturated pop-prog-metal textures. (picture of scissors representing “Choice Cuts”) “Save Our Now,” “More!”