Night Castle lost a lot of points just for being two fucking hours long. Every song follows the exact same format. Every lyric is predictable, and trying to cover up the amateurish lyrics with the most melodramatic vocals and instrumentation is transparently, offputtingly pretentious. It’s almost impossible for me to tell most of these songs apart, and the only times the album comes close to being invigorating is when they cover parts of famous classical compositions. Also, there seem to be two male vocalists. One sounds like your drunk uncle trying to perform Phantom of the Opera. Except he can’t, because he lacks pomp. The other sounds like your grandpa.

I’ve had Night Castle sitting in my library for years now, not having listened because I knew I wouldn’t like it, but now I’ve finally conquered this demon. The result? I found out I was right. What was I thinking? What was Trans-Siberian Orchestra thinking? Epic!